Change to the script (Idea two)

Okay I have made some relatively substantial changes to my script of Breaking Point (Idea Two). These changes consist of:

• The narration will begin as usual, but with the image of a black screen, it is either the build up with images of him as a kid, or just straight into the shot of the taxi driving off leaving the character at the halfway house. It will then cut to a shot of the man throwing his bag on the bed and the door closing. The man takes a big deep in and out. He will then turn to open his bag to hear this faint sound of children playing, it will get louder until he reaches the window to see three little girls playing in the back garden, then the voice of a man and a women talking and kissing. A  shot back to the man looking out of the window, closes his eyes opens them again to a (POV) shot to seem them disappear.  It will fade out to a wide angled shot of a park, the man will slowly enter the shot from the right wearing a bright orange vest. He has a part time job cleaning litter from parks for his probation. That same sound of children will appear, he will look to the playground to see children playing in there with the same man and women. Then there will be a wide angle shot where the family disappear with him still in the frame. It fades out again, narration kicks in, its opens to the old man walking out of the shop with what seems to be a rope in the bag. Then fades to the house, as you seem him pull up his tie, dressed in a suit he steps on to a chair. Then a shot of him reaching for the rope hanging from the ceiling. It slowly works down his body until you see him shack the chair and it tip over. An outside shot of the man from behind hanging... fades out. To see the same taxi drive off, with a new man standing at the drive way.